hmm

I was never the first choice for you...

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Whoa, it's been damn long since I've blogged. And my word have I changed. I'm no longer the self-loathing person I was before. Maybe a little. But I'm more thankful now. About everything. There's so much to say but I'm too lazy to type.
Maybe I'll officially start blogging tomorrow?

MSN

...

I wake up every morning.. looking at the telecommunicating device called a mobile phone,hoping you'll send a text..i eventually got tired of waiting, and stopped sleeping altogether.
Is keeping a friend such a chore? If so, why do many people have this thing called "Friends"?

I thought through, in detail, every damn night, but there's no damning evidence to how i could have screwed this up so badly...
I regard myself as nothing more than a soul..finding the thing called "friends" bt apparently, all efforts were to no avail...
Going hysterical isn't fun...it's no funny business..
Losing a friend totally..but it's not any of your doing, feels like being slit at the throat, and being hung on a hook with that open wound supporting ur weight...
Painstaking, and there's not a damn hell thing you can do about it..

I know it isn't my fault..or if it is..it's a minute portion..
but I take full responsibility for what has happened, even if I don't understand why.
I'm ashamed of myself for letting this happen that, I can't face myself while looking in the mirror.
Glancing in a mirror, I see a failure, a social failure..and a failure in many other ways..

Deprived of rest, sleep, comfort..leaves me being agitated and at the verge of exploding at everyone in almost every possible way..
I don't want someone...I NEED someone...
Get me back into the whole I was from before I shattered into the little pathetic pieces you see me as now...
I need someone to hold me like you mean it... Care for me, not out of pity, but from deep in your heart..
All I can do is hope, for a better day. and hope for a day where my world is turned upside down, so I'll be facing the right way..

MSN

what??

I never promised anything, you forced me into it...

why?

Why is the situation so damned like this?
I want to live optimistically, but things bring me down for reasons I don't know.
People say, look on the bright side life,that I can understand,
But there are limits to it. Just like pessimism, there are also limits to that..

Being overly optimistic isn't good..that's because you're portraying an image of "People are throwing dung at me.Oh well,it's life"
It's just, not right..
Instead of always looking at the bright side and dont do shit at all and have things repeating, why not do something to rectify the problem/situation?
That's what I'm trying to do, rather than forget and avoid since that'll get me nowhere.

It isn't easy if I have to do a scavanger hunt for the pieces of the puzzle. If you want to be left alone, fine, I can understand.. Just tell me what I've done wrong and we'll be on our way to a not-knowing-each-other life.
I'm tired of not sleeping...I'm tired cause I haven't been sleeping because of this.
I want rest. I'm now pleading for an answer.. From anyone..

MSN

thank youuuu

To someone in malaysia,
thanks for always being there for me,
i owe ya lots!

MSN

Time Will Not Heal All Of Your Pain

I shall take this knife, to cut you out of my life,
Excruciating pain wreaks but it's all worth in due time,
Time is all it takes to heal it, but a visible scar would be left,


Deceived, Mistrusted, Misused,
As people live by intolerance and hate.
Now,left falling but tired of wondering why,
Just disintegrating slowly,

I have to learn to be numb,to all the things,
Waiting for that day to come,where I'm living the life I dreamed of,
And you're dead to me


MSN